A Shitty Story About Missing Out

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It was our last day in Vietnam and the day I (Kelsey) was most looking forward to. Earlier in the week we had visit a young single mothers home, and on the last day we were going to spend some time encouraging them in their motherhood. We were going to gather, connect, share, and I was so looking forward to encouraging these incredible moms. It was going to be the highlight of the trip. Key word… was. It was going to be the highlight, but it wasn’t because that morning when we woke up Oliver (1yr) had a fever of 104 degrees, and Sawyer (3yrs) had a fever of 102 degrees… They were not doing good. So my husband and I deliberated. I could go and he could stay back with the kids so I could go to the mother’s home. He would gladly stay back with the kids because he is awesome. The problem was that I was still breastfeeding Oliver and he wanted that comfort... So after some sulking, I decided it was best if I stayed back… So there I was in Vietnam, stuck in a hotel room all day, majorly bumming out because of this question I kept asking myself... 

What was I missing out on?

I imagined the girls connecting with our team, encouraging each other, speaking words of life and love. I pictured life change for both sides. I was missing out, and I was sulking. In my mind the kids were getting in the way of my hopes, my passions, my dreams! I was obviously being dramatic, nevertheless those were real thoughts going through my mind…

Then it happened. I took Oliver’s clothes off, including his diaper, because of his crazy fever. So he was naked on the bed. I went to check on Sawyer in the other bed because she started crying and I look over to find Oliver COMPLETLEY covered in poop. Yes. He crapped himself... and it was everywhere. Poop was smeared on his body, his arms, his legs, his head, his hands, and allll over the hotel sheets. So I run over to Oliver, with the intention of putting him in the shower, when I remember that he cant get any of the shower water in his mouth. (The water at the hotel we were staying at would make him sick if he drank it) So- I put him in the sink and grab a bottle of water to wash him off with. Then Oliver decides to grab a GLASS cup sitting on the sink and throw it on the ground… and it shatters EVERYWHERE… Cue- Sawyer walking over (still crying) asking me to hold her… I immediately start yelling for her to, “get back from the glass!” Meanwhile, Oliver still has poop all over him, and now I have poop all over me, and I’m stuck in the bathroom, surrounded by broken glass. I quickly decided to jump over the glass, grab a clean towel, wrap Oliver in it. I then walk over to the other bed to try and clean Oliver with wipes only to find that Sawyer had taken off her diaper and peed all over herself and the other bed. WTF. You can’t make this up. 

I finally got everything and everyone cleaned up and I sat there thinking… This is my life now. Glorious Mom life... Our team is out changing the world, and I’m here dealing with this shit (literally)…. I suddenly erupted in laughter like a straight up crazy lady. It was the kind of laughter that comes from the deepest parts of you. I looked over at my kids who were both staring at me with their big bright eyes and they both started to smile… It was in their sweet smiles that I felt my eyes open. They opened to what was in front of me all along- my sweet, messy, beautiful, wild, and wonderful babies. I realized in that moment that- When I’m focused on what I’m missing out on- I’m choosing to miss out on whatever’s in front of me.

So what was in front of me? Two kids getting in the way? Two kids stealing my passion? No. What was in front of me was two kids making my dreams more big and more full than I could have ever imagined. Do they make things harder? Yeah.. A bit more stressful? Uh, yeah.. But as they sat in front of me, even in midst of all the pains of motherhood, I realized that what was in front of me was a dream that was greater than the dream I originally had, shit and all... 

Sean KappaufComment